June 23, 2009
Closure
Today someone asked me if I have achieved my closure. I thought I had, then I saw his face again and with a will of its own, my heart skipped a beat. I think my brain instinctively try to block out images which it knows will bring my heart pain. Yet sometimes, some information slip pass the barriers to entry and test my heart. My heart no longer aches when I hear that song and someday it will no longer skip a beat when I see his face. But just for today, let me wallow in my misery.
Posted by Fatgirl at 01:21 AM
June 15, 2009
The importance of being happy
Remember when we were little kids, how happy we became when we got new toys, were allowed to watch an extra hour of cartoons or an extra hour at the playground. As we grew older, we became happy only when we got bigger toys like mp3 players, expensive new bags and travel to nice places. Notice how as we grow older, we tend to lose the ability to find happiness in our daily life.
Sometimes, I wonder where that simple happiness disappeared to. I am sure if I did a survey among my friends, there is not one person who is truly happy with his/her life. Exactly when did our expectations of the state of happiness skyrocket so significantly that most times we are in a constant state of trying to find happiness than being happy. Seriously, I do not know the answer either because I am one of the people who are constantly on the hunt for happiness as well. When anyone of you find the answer to my question, please let me know.
Posted by Fatgirl at 10:49 PM | Comments (0)
May 25, 2009
I have not been to many places but I have passed by many places
The title of this entry was "stolen" from the blog of my favourite composer. He wrote about how in his job, he has passed by many places however many times, he did not actually have the opportunity to explore these places. His thoughts echo how I feel about my job. Many people think that in my job where I am overseas 75% of the year means I get to go to many new places. This is true, however my trips are for work so obviously I have to spend most of my time working and that leaves little time for exploring those places. Most of my days are spent working in offices in obscure locations with little scenery and by the time I get off work, there is really nothing much to see. The hotel is the place I most want to go where a hot bath and comfortable bed awaits. Food becomes just a way to fill the stomach although I must admit there were times I have eaten fantastic food which I would never have the opportunity to sample if I were in Singapore. But trust me, the best food after a hard day at work, is a home cooked meal.
My favourite composer also writes in his entry about the questions people ask him about the supposedly exciting things he gets to see in his trips and when he answers that there are really not that many exciting things, people disbelieve him. Well, I for one, believe him. Waiting for airline connections and wondering if I will get home on time is one big worry I have constantly. When I used to travel for leisure, I will head towards the duty free shops whenever I arrive at the airport on my homebound trip. These days, I run towards the exit gates that will bring me home. Packing for each trip reminds me about how long I will be away from home once more and this outweighs any anticipation of new places.
Maybe at this point, you may think I hate my job. No, I do not hate my job, but this is not a perfect world. Many times, I wish like in Harry Potter, we could all travel by Floo powder. In this way, I can "poof" myself home at the end of each day. However, the price that I have to pay for being able to go to new places is being away from home. There were many interesting place I have seen this past year like Budapest and Johannesburg which I know I will probably have never had the opportunity to visit. And I have picked up new "survival" skills when travelling overseas by myself. All these were priceless experiences to me.
My favourite composer is optimistic about being mostly a passer-by to all the places he has been. He feels that at least this will leave him with numerous places which he can explore still in future. I suppose I can look at all the travelling I am doing in this manner as well. Someday, I will return to some of these places where I have only been a passer-by and explore them at my leisure. Someday.
Posted by Fatgirl at 10:02 PM | Comments (1)
May 16, 2009
Books and me
I have always loved to read. In fact, reading is like an addiction for me. Some people like to smoke, I like to read. I keep a handy stack of books by my bedside and have a habit of reading before I sleep most nights. My bookshelf is within handy reach of my bed so I can always pick and choose my books conveniently. However, these days, I have been so into watching dvds and online videos that I have not read much. I thought I will not really miss reading but one morning last week, I woke up craving for a book. It is weird, I know, but it felt like my body was suffering from reading withdrawal symptoms, I needed to read a book.
I did not crave any book from the bookshelf but wanted to read a new book, one which I have never read before. Haha. However, I had little chance to visit the library or the bookstore as there were so many other things I had to get done. Today, I walked into a secondhand bookstore near the place I had dinner. A poor choice to Borders or Kinokuniya but desperate times calls for desperate measures. I selected one novel. Tonight, the laptop shall take a well-deserved break and I shall make my escape into the literary world instead.......
Posted by Fatgirl at 01:11 AM | Comments (0)