June 09, 2008
Up, up and away
Ok, I have received questions about how's my new job. So instead of repeating myself over and over again, I am writing this blog entry. Seriously, it is too early to tell coz I have only been working for a week. The people seem quite nice and helpful. I am having difficulty getting use to that there is no file kept for each project and how everything is in soft copy and in an online depository. Also the work flow is different so I am trying to get accustomed to the new work flow. So far its the adminstrative problems that are keeping me awake and stressed, hopefully I will become better at that with time.
The other thing is having to book my own air tickets and accommodation for my overseas trips. Man, its soooo complicated. You have to get the cheapest flights and hotels. And somehow, its just damn difficult to book hotels and flights for the periods I want to travel. On the traveling bit, I will be out of the country and in a different timezone for most of the next few months. Think I will super crave Asian food and I am still trying to figure a way to bring all my skincare products with me since I am going to be away for such long periods. I also dunno how I am going to fit 5 pairs of shoes into my luggage. Faint. Think I better start to pack my luggage at least one week before I am due for my trip. So does anyone have any travel tips to share?
Posted by Fatgirl at 01:41 AM | Comments (1)
September 17, 2006
Its so difficult to smile these days
I just gave up a fight with my laptop. Lately, it has just been getting more and more difficult to motivate myself to work. Nothing seems to be going right and everything seems to be such an uphill task. Even my laptop is working against me, refusing to export documents which I need to send out urgently. If I am not able to send out those documents by Monday, I am going to be in such deep shit.
Sometimes, I wonder why I seem to have a harder time than others. Someone said that its because I have not learnt to say "no" when people pile me with work and people take advantage of that. Maybe that is true but its really difficult to say no when its your boss who asks you to do the tasks. The problem arises as I many different bosses. Sometimes I do not see the objective of my work anymore. Even the money no longer tempts me to work. I just feel so tired all the time these days. Every night my head hurts. Sometimes I think I am going to get a heart attack from stress. Like right now at this moment. Every day is such a pain.
Posted by Fatgirl at 03:03 AM | Comments (1)
August 21, 2006
Time to move on?
I had a really bad headache this afternoon and went to see the doctor. The diagnosis? I was apparently having a tension headache. In plain English, I supposed it means that the doctor could not find a cause for my headache and nothing seems to be seriously wrong with me, so it must work stress.
The headache was so bad that I stopped work for the day and went home to rest. Rarely do I do something like this because it means that work will pile up and I will have more work to do when I go back to work. In my previous entry, I mentioned that many of my colleagues have resigned. Due to the high stress levels and ridiculously long hours in my job, turnover is high. Before the promotion in July, there were 21 people in my level, today there are only 5 left! Majority have handed in their resignations as they felt they have had enough. Every week, I am attending people's farewell parties.
So far, I am sitting on the fence. I want to leave too but I have no idea where to go next. Should I go for further studies, go for a secondment in USA, look for another job or just stay put. Currently, staying put is not really an option so it has to be one of the other three options. And it is seriously a tough decision to make. With each farewell party I attend, I realise that I have to come to a decision soon as sitting on the fence will only harm myself. Come October, most of the colleagues whom I am close to would have served finish their notice and leave the firm and I will be so lonely then. Fewer people to have lunch with, fewer people to gossip with and fewer people to consult when I face problems at work. Sigh.
One of the many farewell parties I have so far attended. FYI, 8 out of the 18 people in the picture are resignees!
Posted by Fatgirl at 11:34 PM | Comments (2)
August 10, 2006
Love-Hate relationship
Sometimes I really cannot figure out if I love my job or hate my job. I love the challeges it brings and how everyday I get to learn something new. I love that the department I am in is one that has great career prospects for me when I decide I have enough of this job.
I hate that everything is moving so fast that sometimes my brain feels like its going to explode. I hate that I have to work so many hours each day and even on weekends. I hate that I no longer have the freedom to do the crazy things I enjoy doing. I hate that I no longer have time to exercise. I hate that I no longer have time to grow spritually.
Although these past two years I have gained alot career wise but I felt that I have lost out alot in my personal life. Now I am at a cross road once more. Should I continue with this stressed filled job or is it time to slow down and have more of a life while I still can?
Posted by Fatgirl at 12:00 AM
January 22, 2006
The Rat Race Really SUCKS!
The Rat Race really sucks. Its sapping all my energy and zest for life. I am sooooooo tired from working late everyday, including weekends and having no life.
Someone asked me the other day, "Money is never enough. But how much clothes, shoes, holidays, houses etc do you think a person will need in a lifetime?" That was something that really got me thinking. My answer, well, I have my answers but I am a little too busy now to write about it. Shall let you all know some other time. In the mean time, let me know what do the rest of you think.
Posted by Fatgirl at 05:12 PM | Comments (3)
December 10, 2005
"Urgent, please call me"
That was the message, a client left me via email last evening, without details of what was so urgent that required my immediate attention. Even after receiving the automatic "out of office" reply, informing people who send me emails, the period I will be out of office and have limited access to my emails, he did not have the courtesy to let me know what was so super urgent.
As a rule for myself, I do not check my office emails on friday nights. Its a friday night after all, I need a break. Secondly, its too late to do anything about anything, as the client will only be reading my reply on monday anyway. But I needed to send an email to my manager last night so at around 12:45am, I logged into my office email account and saw that urgent message. It was relating to some event that would be happening this morning which I was sending my staff to attend. What kind of idiot leaves such a message the night before the event without even giving any details as to what was so bloody urgent. If it was that bloody urgent, then details should be provided so I can act upon it immediately, especially when the sender would have received my auto-reply informing him/her that I am out of office and have limited access to my emails. DUH!
It was too late last night to call anyway so I decided that I would have to wake up extra early this morning to give him a call. At around 7:30am, I gave the stupid man a call but he did not pick up his handphone. I got my staff to call the in-charge of the event and guess what, the so-called bloody urgent thing was to request if we could be at their event premises half an hour later than the agreed time!!! How bloody annoying!!! To think I was so worried about the whole thing and even sacrificed my sleep to wake up early. What a bloody stupid man!! ARGH!!
Posted by Fatgirl at 02:22 PM
December 03, 2005
STRESSED!
Its been such a bad bad week that no words can desribe how shitty I feel. Its been so bad that I do not even feel like whining about it. Just like feel hiding in corner where no one can find me and staying in that little corner forever.
Bought a CD to cheer myself up and full fat root beer. Yes, adding to my calories count. Think I shall eat an ice cream tomorrow and I should be just about normal again!!
Posted by Fatgirl at 09:43 PM | Comments (1)
October 23, 2005
Duty Calls
I lead a team and as a team leader, I am supposed to be strong and not let on about how stressed up I am. This concept does make sense, if team members realise how worried their leader is, then they probably will get more stressed, become less confident and less efficient. So only in my little space on the Internet, I can rant.
I think I will probably die of a heart attack someday from too much stress and having to repress all that stress when I am at work. Even the time I am away from work, I am worrying about work. My colleague, an Assistant Manager in my unit, commented that she could only relax when she is out of the country. That is a feeling I know well now. Only when I am away and uncontactable, I cease to think about work and the issues I encounter each day and the nasty clients I have to deal with. Sometimes, I think I will collaspe beneath all this pressures but I soldier on, because I know the market value of my work experience. Just a few more years of this, then maybe, just maybe I will have a bright future ahead.
I dread going to work each day and I hate having to bring work home. But if I do not do that, I will never catch up and all my previous efforts will be wasted. Just a year ago, I was complaining about how empty my life was, today, I am a juggler. I know this sounds sick, but I prefer today then a year ago. At least I am learning alot everyday and not wasting my time away each day at work. I just hope I get out of this job alive and eventually get to savour the rewards of my hard work in the future!
Posted by Fatgirl at 09:46 PM
August 28, 2005
Busy busy fatgirl
Yes, the busy cycle is starting again. In between juggling updates, courses, clients, assistants, fieldwork, wrapup, reporting, I barely have any time for myself. Sigh, sometimes I feel more like a professional juggler than anything else. In a few hours more, another week begins.........
Posted by Fatgirl at 08:28 PM | Comments (1)
August 14, 2005
Information overload
Last week, I attended a course that gave me a very bad headache. The name of the course was "Advanced US Accounting", uhhhhmmmm what ever happened to basic and intermediate!!!!! I definately do not remember attending basic and intermediate, how did I ever end up directly in this advance class. Way too advanced for me. I was totally in pain throughout the duration of the course. The four-day heavy duty course ended and my brain is suffering from information overload. Hope none of the people from work are reading this. Sob. My brain, my poor little brain. Sob.
Posted by Fatgirl at 10:44 PM
July 02, 2005
One year later
About a year ago, I was at a really low point of my life. Everything felt so meaningless and I woke up everyday, wanting to burst into tears. A good friend of mine decided to help me change my life. I made a big decision and stepped into a different world. A world where everyone are really smart and competition is stiff. A world where everyone judges you on every little step that you take. There were many moments in the past year when I felt like giving up, felt disillusion and disappointed with myself. Everything was so different in this new world and there were so many times, I simply wanted to crawl under my blanket and hide. I still suffer from such attacks but I have come to accept them as part and parcel of this road I have chosen to take.
Today, I received news that I will have greater challenges ahead waiting for me. As much as I feel happy and excited, a part of me wants to crawl under that blanket and never come out. But I do not suppose I will see very much of the world under my blanket so I have chosen to continue bravely down the road. I do not know how much longer I will continue in this direction but I know I want to give it my best shot. At least, I can see myself going somewhere now! Thank you everyone of you for your kind encouragement and support in the past year. I will strive towards excellence.
Posted by Fatgirl at 12:43 AM | Comments (5)
May 12, 2005
More on Performance Review
Gasp, my senior for an important major engagement is writing my performance appraisals now as I type. Its really a do or die situation now. Alot hang on her appraisal. Yes, I am panicking if you who are reading have not yet realised.
Posted by Fatgirl at 02:22 AM | Comments (1)
May 03, 2005
Performance Review
I am suppose to hand in three performance reviews to various superiors tomorrow and guess what, I have not even started on any one of them. I find writing such reviews really tedious and things are not going that well anyway so I feel even less motivated to write the reviews. Promotion is in June and its too late to put in any positive efforts anyway so I really have no motivation at all to write self appraisals at this point. Anyway, as everyone says, "you can write anything and they (the seniors and managers) can agree with you on anything but their impression of you is already cast in stone."
Sometimes I think I am not suitable for this occupation but am here by default. Surviving but just hanging by the thread and wanting really badly to cut the thread but there is no safety net beneath me. Sigh, if only life came with a map for each person then I will not feel so lost sometimes. At least, once in while, I can refer to the map to check if I am going in the right direction!
Posted by Fatgirl at 01:01 AM | Comments (4)
April 28, 2005
Adrenalin rush
Obviously I was alot more stressed up than I realised. I had my first taste of project management this week. As part of my own going training, I was put in charge of a small project. I had to meet a reporting deadline today and was feeling rather worried as everything was so new to me. Anyway, the reporting is done but the project is still on-going. Call me a pessimist but I cannot help but keep thinking about the report that had already been handed in. Sigh.
I am having trouble sleeping now due to the adrenalin rush and having had too much to eat for dinner. After I was done at work, I met up with some friends for drinks and dinner. My friend was invited some fashion preview at Fullerton Hotel and she kindly asked me and another friend along. I missed the preview but they having some silly Bachelor and Bachelorette of the Night contest when I reached the venue. The contest proceedings were rather silly so we decided to leave and go across the road to One Fullerton to grab some dinner instead. I was feeling super hungry from all the stress, I ordered a huge plate of mushroom linguine in cream sauce at Bakerzinn after my two classes of free champagne at Fullerton Hotel. The pasta was really good, loads and loads of yummy mushrooms in cream sauce but now I have indigestion!! Sigh.
Posted by Fatgirl at 03:48 AM | Comments (3)
April 12, 2005
Upward Appraisal
Argh, I so want to complain about one of my seniors at work that my head hurts. Just received my engagement review from her and although I agree with the improvements that she had pointed out, I felt some of my weaknesses would have been minimised had she herself been more organised. Yes, she can function well by keeping everything in her brain but I think she has to understand that some people (ie. me) have less RAM and its not going to help by throwing me something else out of the blue when I have already planned out my allocated workload for the engagement ! It throws my priorities and my time management into a mess and adds undue stress to me! Argh! Argh! Argh!
Posted by Fatgirl at 02:33 AM | Comments (1)
February 27, 2005
Silly mentality
Finally a breather from toiletries company with bitchy finance team. Going on next week to electronics giant. The finance team there is slightly better although there are 2 particular people there I would nominate for a place in my list of "Top 10 Nasty people"!
It has been quite a week. My senior got called away on a urgent trip and left me with a pile of her work to complete, on top of the work I am already doing. Of course most of the work is still uncompleted and I have to be more efficient at electronics giant so I can spare time to clear the leftovers from toiletries company.
Sometimes, I suspect these finance people are purposely being mean in hope that I will ask them less questions. Dream on lah, work has to be completed ok. By being nasty, you will just be prolonging the painful process for you and me! How silly. Give me what I want quickly and I will stop bothering you ok. Its not as if I enjoy "chasing" you for answers. I am just a lowly employee, getting a fixed salary each month, I want to go home early and work shorter hours too you know! If I can cut down on the work I have to do, I will! DUH!
Posted by Fatgirl at 01:41 AM
February 15, 2005
Just plain tired?
As I sat at the foreign desk, typing away on my laptop, I lifted my head and the darkened sky outside greeted me. I glanced down at the cars on the roads and saw their headlights speeding towards home. In my little room, at the premises of an American multinational company, I was still at work.
At times like this, it gets to me, having no permanent desk space and always working out of paper bags. Spending weeks on end at clients' premises and having to smile politely at the client to request schedules, documents and explanations. Always having to maintain an air of professionalism even when all I feel like doing is throwing down my writing pad and pen and scream at them! Hey, its not like I enjoy torturing you with questions about your numbers, but you have to convince me before I can convince my manager, you know.
Yes, once in a while, I do wonder what I have gotten myself into. I have forgotten what is it like to be home before 7pm and having dinner with my family. Everyday, its another race against time. Sometimes I wonder if this is how my life is going to be until the day I retire, like 40 years from now and I wonder where would I find the energy to continue as such till then. I marvel at how some people find the discipline and energy to work such hours for 20 over years without a word of complaint. Its so amazing! Must really find a way to be more positive and keep my energy level up. Any ideas, anyone?
Posted by Fatgirl at 12:23 AM | Comments (5)
December 26, 2004
Back to the Rat Race
Sadly, all good times come to an end. My little holiday has ended and now its back to being a "rat" again. Sob. Wish my holiday could be longer. Really dread going back to crazy hours, irritating clients and stress. Sigh.
Posted by Fatgirl at 11:32 PM | Comments (1)
November 15, 2004
Workaholic tales again
Ok this blog is getting entirely too focused on my work life but oh well, that is really the only thing I do these days when I am awake! I am sure most Singaporeans were really happy last week because there were two public holidays in a week sort of but yes, you guessed right, I spent the public holidays and weekend working. Do not ask me what is going on in the rest of the world now, because I have not read the newspaper in weeks or watched the news. In fact, I am actually kind of thankful I still have time to sleep.
Anyway, the purpose of this entry is to wish two good friends of mine, "Happy Birthday", you both know who you are so no need for me to say more. Sorry I did not have time to celebrate with either one of you but hope each of you had good fun. And also to wish pixelina a "Happy Hari Raya".
Ok I have taken a long enough break, its back to work again..........
Posted by Fatgirl at 10:00 PM | Comments (2)
November 07, 2004
I need more sleep...
Ok, I have not disappeared but have just been really busy. I go to work in the morning, then I go home, work some more then sleep. Yes, that's my life at the moment. The days of long ago when I had proper dinners, time to watch television and a social life, all seems like a millennium ago. Yes, you guessed right, I am loafing at the moment, which is why I am writing this entry. This blog is becoming really boring because, I really have no life to speak of besides work. Any funny anecdotes from work, well, the whole team is miserable because we have so much to do in so little time, so nope, no funny anecdotes either. I am getting used to working long long hours but its still a challenge for me to function on alot less sleep and having to work the entire weekend. Yes, weekends are unofficially considered work days too apparently. Sigh, I need more sleep and a holiday!! :c(
Posted by Fatgirl at 05:11 PM | Comments (1)
October 25, 2004
Workaholic Tales
Yes, I think I am turning into a workholic. I seem to be working everyday of the week including weekends. There is just so much work to complete and the deadlines are pounding on my door. I cannot imagine what it will be like when the so-called peak period starts next month. Does that mean I have to function with even less sleep. HELP!!!
I wake up each day, trying to juggle all the things I have to do and somehow trying to squeeze in time for me to do more work. Work-life balance, hmmmm, it sure doesn't exist in my life!!! The scales are definately heavily weighed down on the "work" side. There are just so many things I have to do and not enough time for me to accomplish everything. And it is even worse when the office Intranet is down and I cannot access my emails. I want to book my leave!!! Hey, network people, get the Intranet accessible again, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!! This is all so tragic. Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself again!
Posted by Fatgirl at 12:32 AM | Comments (3)
September 10, 2004
Drunken tales
I am currently attending courses conducted by the organisation I work in for new employees. As a sort of welcome for new staff, they prepared a cocktail gathering for us which had free flow of drinks. Actually I had cut down drastically on my alcohol consumption since my university days so today was really an exception for me.
In one and a half hours, due to the numerous shouts of "bottoms up" initiated by the bosses, I had downed TWO BEERS, ONE GIN TONIC, ONE WHISKY AND ONE GLASS OF WHITE WINE!!!!! Boy, did I feel ill after all that. I had to save myself then by leaving the event early while I could still walk straight and with dignity. Of course, my head was spinning and I was smiling too much to be sober anymore. I was amazed I could still walk straight although my surroundings seemed really blurred.
Lastly, if this entry doesn't make any sense, all that alcohol is to be blamed. I am still feeling ill now and I think I am going to wake up with a major hangover tomorrow morning!! Sigh.
Posted by Fatgirl at 12:52 AM | Comments (3)
September 04, 2004
Always expect the unexpected
I am so glad the weekend is here once more. I seriously thought I would have nothing much to do today at work. I could have spent time surfing th Net and doing this online self study course at the same time. I must have looked too free amongst my other stressed out colleagues coz before I knew it, I was asked to help out on two different jobs. I had to pause my self study course and even ended up working overtime. Sigh and to think I thought it was going to be a slow day in the morning.
Posted by Fatgirl at 02:27 AM | Comments (2)
August 28, 2004
Life goes on
Some days are good, some not so good but life goes on. Most days I go home when the moon comes out to play with a growling tummy. Everyone has to grow up sometime and become part of the real world. Sigh.
Posted by Fatgirl at 01:31 AM | Comments (1)
August 03, 2004
Endings and Beginnings
As some of you know, I am currently between jobs. I left the job that I was working in for past three and a half years slightly over a week ago. It wasn't a hard decision to move on, so I thought at that time but after a week, I realised how much the people I worked with everyday for so long had become a part of my life. My ex-neighbour at work predicted I would cry on my last day. Yes, for those of you who never knew, I can actually be quite a crybaby at times. But no I didn't cry on my last day, I did my crying on the day I resigned. So I was done with that.
As much as I am looking forward to a new beginning, I feel sad about the part of me I would leave behind. The friends I made, the silly conversations and the fustrations. Maybe CP and LJ are heaving sighs of relief now that I am gone from their team. Ha ha ha. But I would like the both of them to know I really learnt alot from them these past few years.
And just as important are the friendships I have made. To HS, FC, ST, JM and GL for helping me inprove my mandarin and dialect abilities. The entertaining gossip sessions and crazy karaoke outings. To HW who was so nice about being the butt of our jokes and GC who always shared his snacks and knowledge with me.
"That it will never come again,
Is what makes life so sweet." - Emily Dickinson
Posted by Fatgirl at 05:07 PM | Comments (3)